My Siblings Are MIA, and I Need Help with My Aging Parents!

jugglinggeneration
May 29
3 min read

You didn’t expect to carry this all alone, but here you are, coordinating appointments, managing medications, fielding calls from doctors and your siblings? Crickets.

If you’ve ever thought, “Why am I the only one doing this?” You’re not alone. As a certified gerontological specialist and a daughter in the trenches of caregiving, I know this pain point intimately. Let's talk about how to engage your missing-in-action siblings, even when the family dynamics are complicated.

First, Acknowledge the Elephant in the Room

Before we jump into strategies, let's be honest: caregiving is deeply emotional. Guilt, resentment, and old sibling patterns often resurface. If you're the one stepping up, it’s okay to feel frustrated.

But here's what you need to remember: you're not asking your siblings to do everything. You’re inviting them into a shared responsibility, one that belongs to all of you.

Step 1: Start with a Calm Conversation about your Aging Parent

If you can, set up a sibling meeting on Zoom, over the phone, or in person. This isn’t about finger-pointing. It’s about painting a clear picture of your aging parents’ needs and asking for realistic support.

Use this script to guide you:

"Hey, I know we’ve all got busy lives, but I’ve been managing a lot on my own with Mom and Dad. I need help. Can we talk about what’s going on and come up with a way to share the load?"

Bonus Tip: Use my free download:👉 How to Talk to Your Siblings About Aging Parents. This will help you organize what your parents need and prep you for the conversation.

Step 2: Assign Roles Based on Strengths

Not everyone will step up to change adult diapers or manage meds. And that’s okay. Play to your siblings’ strengths.

Ideas:

Got a numbers-savvy sibling? Ask them to manage the bills or insurance paperwork.
Techie in the family? Ask them to set up a shared Google calendar or use a caregiving app.
Lives far away? Ask them to handle virtual appointments, refill meds online, or schedule meal deliveries.

Don’t assume they know what to do—tell them exactly how they can help.

Step 3: Use Tech to Share the Load

Simplify communication with tools that centralize info and reduce back-and-forth.

Helpful Amazon Finds:

Echo Show 8: Set it up in your parent’s home so siblings can video call, set reminders, or even drop in for check-ins.
Weekly Pill Organizer with Reminders: Keeps medications on track with reminders set by Alexa, especially useful if siblings rotate responsibility for med refills.
Caregiver Notebook: Perfect for logging daily updates, appointments, and notes, especially if there’s a rotating schedule of care.

Step 4: Create a Family Group Chat or Shared Notes

Sometimes siblings aren’t helping because they don’t realize how much you’re doing. Use a shared iPhone Note or WhatsApp group to send updates and requests.

Start by dropping in quick updates:

"Dad didn’t sleep last night. Adjusting his meds with the doctor today."

"Need someone to cover Saturday afternoon—any takers?"

Keep your tone factual, not emotional. You’re building a shared system of care—not shaming anyone into action.

Step 5: Set Boundaries (Even When It’s Hard)

If you're burning out and your siblings aren’t stepping up, it's time to reassess what you can realistically handle.

Here’s a hard truth: You cannot do it all. And you shouldn’t have to.

Set a limit:

“I can’t keep missing work. If no one can help drive to appointments next week, we need to look into paid transportation or a care service.”

You may be surprised, once they realize you’re serious about stepping back, they may step in.

Step 6: Bring in a Mediator if Necessary

If communication is breaking down completely, consider bringing in a third party like a geriatric care manager or therapist to facilitate the conversation. Sometimes emotions run too high for productive dialogue without help.

Resource: Find a local aging life care professional at aginglifecare.org

Step 7: Stop Waiting for Fairness

This is a tough one. But sometimes, you have to stop hoping everyone will suddenly pitch in equally. Letting go of the dream of “fairness” doesn’t mean giving up, it means moving forward without resentment.

Your role may be larger. But you can take control by setting boundaries, simplifying tasks, and asking for the help you can get.

You deserve support, too.